SMALL TALK

By Tracy Chesney



I’ve had a string of unfortunate events in the last four months.

I’ve almost drowned myself. I’ve caught myself on fire. I almost amputated my own finger. My computer has crashed repeatedly and is in the shop. My van, by the way, is also in the shop. And I almost sort of died in a fiery explosion.

After all these events, I had come to the conclusion that I was a little down on my luck. But my co-workers seem to think that I’m extremely lucky to still be alive.

For example, last week I went out to take pictures of flooded streets in Greenville. I suddenly found myself stranded in high water. Don’t ask me how it happened, because I really don’t want to go into it.

But needless to say, my situation was a lot less critical than other people around the county., My car did not get swept away, and I did not have to climb out of the vehicle and sit on the roof while waiting to be rescued and look like an idiot while Dallas newstations’ helicopters circled above and telivised a stranded reporter all across America..

Nor did acquaintances from the Texas Game Wardens have to perform a high water rescue. Instead, all I had to do was have my car towed out to dry land with me inside.

While my van is still being repaired, it’s a small price to pay for being both dry and alive.

Later that same day, I decided to go home and relax by lighting a few candles. Except I accidentally lit my fingernail on fire.

Luckily the fire didn’t spread to my other fingernails or to my clothes or to my residence. If it had spread, I probably would have had some upset neighbors who would have had to be displaced because of my burning fingernail. Plus, they would have been standing out in the pouring rain, then they problaby would have got stuck in high waters while fleeing their residences because it was on fire.

Speaking of fire, several weeks ago, I was driving back from Mesquite after dropping off my computer to be fixed, and a bolt of lightening struck the utility pole less than 10 feet in front of me.

The wire caught on fire and almost landed on my car. We all know what happens when fire and gas meet. Looking back,I wouldn’t have been driving to Mesquite in the first place if it weren’t for my broken computer.

But, I am fortunate that the lightening didn’t strike me, my car or cause an accident.

But maybe if the lightening would have struck my car, then I wouldn’t have been up a creek a few weeks later when I got stranded in high water.

Then several months ago, I almost amputated my own finger — not the one I caught on fire last week. I was trying to do a good deed by making chicken and dumplings for a sick friend.

To make a long story short, I cut the top of one of my fingers, which caused it to bleed profusely and almost caused me to pass out.

Luckily, it turned out that I didn’t need stitches, but my finger is still a little tender and a little scarred. But looking back, I could be short one finger.

Which reminds of the time a few months ago when I was tempted to go to the emergency room after getting stung by a scorpion on my toe.

One day, I was putting on my boot, and apparently, some little scorpion decided to hide out in my boot, only I didn’t know it until the little sucker stung the living daylights out of me.

The incident caused me to miss a few days of work and caused my toe to become infected, but at least I’ve still got my toe — and my finger.

Not to mention the time I was standing in the middle of a busy intersection — and standing in an ant bed — taking pictures of firefighters collecting money in one of their “Fill the boot” fundraising campaigns.

I danced around in the middle of the intersection stripping of my sandals and scratching my feet to no end. But, hey, my feet were a little swollen, but at least I didn’t fall into oncoming traffic while trying to shake the ants off my feet.

While talking to my co-workers, we figured that my life is like that old credit card commercial where a man’s guardian angel gets distracted and allows his charge to wander into all sorts of unfortunate events.

In the commercial, the guardian angel feels bad about the situations and tries to minimize the damage done to his charge.

Now, I realize that I’ve been keeping my guardian angel pretty busy lately. So, perhaps, looking back, I’m just the luckiest person in the world.

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